Feeling a Little Blah…

I’ve been in a dry spell for the last few months. This spell is so bad that even words are difficult to conjure out of the air. I usually write to figure out what I think, like Flannery O’Connor. However, lately the creative process just isn’t fruitful. In fact, it’s pretty nonexistent.

I used to say that I used all of my creativity during the school year through lesson planning. And there is some truth to that. But I would like to get back to where I was a few years ago when I was working on my degree. I would come home, rest for a little bit, and then get to work. Even though I was tired, I loved every minute of it – yes, all of the papers and constant reading.

I imagine that this dry spell has been caused by several factors.

  1. I am teaching in a new school with new students, new colleagues, and two new classes. Most days, I am exhausted because of the planning and grading, not to mention actually teaching.
  2. I have moved three times in the last eight months – from Virginia to my parent’s house in Colorado, from my parent’s house to an apartment, from the apartment back to my parent’s house.
  3. I lost my stepdad less than four months ago. His loss has been great for my family, and I am still figuring out how to manage my grief.
  4. I have a fractured relationship with my son. Since we moved to Colorado, he has been distant and moved out permanently a month ago after several months of not really living with us.
  5. I am trying to make new connections at work and at church while maintaining relationships with friends back in Virginia. I’m an introvert; this is a struggle every day.
  6. I am living with my mom. She has her good days and not so good days as she is trying to find her place in her own grief. It has not been easy as we have recently given away my stepdad’s clothes and we are trying to determine how to manage all of his model trains.

I know all of these things have a great impact on my creativity and energy, and I know I need to give myself space to settle in, to rest, to figure it all out. But I am impatient with myself. I have so many things that I want to say, so many ideas that just toss around in my mind throughout the day. But when I get home, I just want to sit for a few minutes with my mom. I just want to lay down for a few minutes with my dogs. I just want to eat a good meal with my family. I just want to watch a few mindless comedies with my husband. And I just want to go to sleep so I can start over.

I trust that this is a temporary season. God has always been so good. He never wastes anything. This time of dryness will end. The work will resume.

Be encouraged in your times of joy, your times of grief, your times of turmoil, and your times of peace. Be encouraged that you are loved, you are not forgotten, and He is near.

Published by bagmac77

I am a high school English teacher, wife, and mother. I love writing about the ways in which faith intersects our modern world.

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